How the other half lives

On Day Three of my parents’ visit, I indulged my mom and took her on a Malibu Celebrity Beach House tour. My dad had to work, and it didn’t take too much to twist Kenley’s arm into joining us.

The last time my parents visited (in May), Mom had wanted to do a “star tour” like this. We made fun of her then and said that, as Los Angeles residents, we would never be caught in one of those open-air vans full of gawkers. So during that visit, I instead googled homes of celebrities that we could find on our own. We located Spelling Manor, once owned by late TV mogul Aaron Spelling. It also was once the most expensive home for sale in the U.S. — at $150 million. HGTV recently featured a special on “Selling Spelling Manor,” which airs again Feb. 17. Take a tour of the home here.

The manor eventually was sold to a 22-year-old Formula 1 heiress for $85 million. Read more in this LA Times story. You can also read more about the first time the Hills visited the Hills here.

Later, when Kenley’s parents visited in June, I broke down and purchased an actual map of movie star homes. I took the Youngs on a private tour that included the Greystone Mansion, which is owned by the city of Beverly Hills and has been used in movies including “Ghostbusters,” “The Big Lebowski” and “The Social Network” (fanboy favorites).

The home where “The Osbournes” reality show was filmed is right down the street. Christina Aguilera used to live there with now ex-husband Jordan Bratman (Kenley once spotted the latter on Abbot Kinney Boulevard; he would have preferred to have spotted “X-Tina” herself.) The house is on sale for $13.5 million. Take a peek inside here.

You can read more about the Youngs’ first visit to Los Angeles here.

The problem with touring celebrity homes is that the houses are often far from the road, and all you can see is an elaborate gate or fence and large shrubs. The chances of actually seeing the homeowners are pretty slim. And, of course, what are you going to say if you do see someone? “Hello, I was just stalking your home. Can I take your picture and sell it for thousands of dollars?”

No.

But I figured, if nothing else, the Malibu Celebrity Beach House Tour would allow us to take a ride up the always-stunning Pacific Coast Highway.

The rich and the famous fiercely (and rightfully) guard their privacy, so it’s not easy to find their addresses. But they become public when a property is bought or sold, or when there’s a scandal at the property. So such tours always come with a disclaimer: Property transaction records indicate the celebrity owns the home or formerly owned it, but especially in the case of a beach house, it might not be the star’s primary residence.

We met our tour guide on the Santa Monica pier, where we grabbed some churros from a vendor. The guide clearly enjoyed his job driving up the PCH several times a day, and he seemed knowledgeable about the area. When he found out we were from South Carolina, he was eager to get our take on the S.C. Republican primary. Kenley held back.

We waived at former governator Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Santa Monica condo and drove past the luxury condominiums at 101 Ocean, where Robert Downey Jr. has a place. Condos there have recently gone for $1.2 million to about $4 million. Interested? Check them out here.

Once you get on the Pacific Coast Highway headed north toward Malibu, you pass a line of seemingly nondescript doors and garages. Those are the back doors of the homes. The front doors open onto the beach.

We passed the Osbournes’ Malibu home, which is for sale for $10 million, according to the Los Angeles Times. See photos on Realtor.com.

We came to a blue door where we were told The Dude abides. I couldn’t find any information online to “confirm or disconfirm” that Jeff Bridges owns the house.

“Glee” creator Ryan Murphy recently purchased Charlize Theron’s beach house down the street for $6.5 million. You can see the front of the house in this article from The Hollywood Reporter.

Janet Jackson also used to live down the street. Designer Kelly Wearstler and her husband purchased Jackson’s Malibu house in 2004 for $8.5 million. After Wearstler redecorated, the house was featured in Elle Decor magazine. The property was briefly put on the market for $21.9 million in 2010.

Leonardo DiCaprio owns several houses in Malibu. This is one of the relatively modest ones:

Leo reportedly bought it for $1.6 million in 1998. You can see the front of the house here.

David Geffen, the music mogul and co-founder of DreamWorks, owns five parcels along Carbon Beach, which is sometimes called Billionaire’s Beach.

Most beaches in California are public, so you are allowed to walk on the wet portion of the sand in front of the homes. Geffen fought for decades to keep the beach in front of his compound private, but he finally consented several years ago to a public-beach access adjacent to his property. Read The New York Times story about the day the “Geffen gate” opened here.

“Friend” Courtney Cox and David Arquette lived in a house designed by famous architect John Lautner (a student of Frank Lloyd Wright) on Carbon Beach. They sold the house in 2007 for about $30 million to Frank and Jamie McCourt, who have been fighting over assets including the Dodgers in a divorce. Check out the Lautner home here.

Cox recently showed off her newest Malibu home to Elle Decor. The Lautner home? The “post-nup” said Jamie got to keep the property, but post-divorce, the speculation is that it might soon be on the market.

Fellow “Friends” alum Matthew Perry’s Malibu home is on a hill overlooking the ocean. You can buy it for $13.5 million, according to the Los Angeles Times. Take a look at photos on Realtor.com. Perry has been active in the Los Angeles real estate market, according to this article in Forbes.

We eased off of the PCH onto Malibu Road, where we saw homes owned by the Hiltons, Eva Longoria, Jeremy Piven and Adam Sandler.

We then stopped to stretch our legs and walk on the public-access beach.

Back on the Pacific Coast Highway, we saw by far the largest home on our tour: Cher’s 13,000-square-foot Italian Renaissance-style villa on 1.7 acres overlooking the Pacific Ocean. The breathtaking property was most recently listed in 2009 for $41 million, according to the Los Angeles Times. You can see photos of the house, before it was redecorated, on the Cherworld fan website.

As we drove south back to Santa Monica, the tour guide pointed out houses in the Malibu Hills overlooking the Pacific. Milwaukee Brewers star Ryan Braun got the large house in a foreclosure for $4.8 million in 2004, according to the Los Angeles Times. Braun made headlines recently after he tested positive in October for banned substances. He faces a possible 50-game suspension, and the ruling on his appeal could come as early as this week.

“Get the Party Started” singer Pink and her husband, motocross racer Carey Hart, live nearby. See more photos of their house here.

The house where Britney Spears lived with ex-husband Kevin Federline is perched on top of a hill in a gated community. The couple reportedly paid $7 million for it and sold it for $10 million after the divorce. It’s on the market for $15 million. You can see photos here. Spears and her fiance, Jason Trawick, recently rented a mansion in suburban Thousand Oaks, which you can see here.

Later that night, we met up with Dad and headed to Hollywood to see the Cirque Du Soleil show “Iris,” which debuted at the Kodak Theatre this summer. We had a pre-theater dinner at Wood & Vine, a small-plates restaurant on Hollywood Boulevard that is said to have the best chicken and waffles in town. So obviously we had to check it out.

The restaurant is in the 1923 Taft building, which was the home to the first offices of Charlie Chaplin and the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Science. It has an old-school, clubby vibe. The chicken and waffles are served with a maple glaze and sage butter and are indeed several notches above Roscoe’s (though we dig that place, too). And the prices were reasonable by Hollywood standards. This would be a fun place to revisit for brunch or happy hour cocktails.

Then it was on to the Kodak, which (for now, anyway) also hosts the Oscars. There have been reports that the awards show could move after 2013 and that Kodak, which recently filed for bankruptcy, wants to end its naming rights. Read more in The Hollywood Reporter.

“Iris” is the first long-running Cirque show in Los Angeles, and it’s a very abstract journey through the world of cinema. It mostly presents behind-the-scenes action and often celebrates technology in film. The stage sets are detailed and elaborate, and it’s hard not to appreciate the choreography and amazing acrobatics, even if you’re not quite sure what they are supposed to represent. You can easily recognize the silent films of the 1920s, as well as the bombshells and film noir of the 1950s. And in fact the noir crime scene is one of the most entertaining. The production level is fitting for the home of the movies, and it’ll be fun to say we’ve been inside the Kodak Theatre come Oscar time.

There’s a loose love story in “Iris,” but the Cirque show really has more of a (sometimes unfocused) theme than an actual plot. Some might prefer to take in the latest Broadway production down the street at The Pantages. Here’s the Los Angeles Times review.

It was a pretty night, so we walked about a mile down Hollywood Boulevard back to our car. It was an interesting stroll. We passed the Church of Scientology’s “Winter Wonderland” display; scantily clad club-goers; and establishments advertising “girls, girls, girls.” Not places you’d necessarily want to take your parents.

While waiting for the valet to return with our car, Kenley spotted actor Bryan Dattilo, who is best known for playing Lucas Roberts/Horton/Brady in the long-running “Days of Our Lives” soap opera. Don’t ask me why Kenley recognized him.

OK … so I, too, recognized that he was a celebrity of some sort, but Kenley came up with the “Days” connection. My mom was so sad that he had crossed the street before she could catch sight of him.

“Days” fans will be excited to know that Soap Opera Digest confirms that Dattilo returns to the show this month! Don’t know who he is? Or just don’t want to admit it? Visit his IMDb page to see photos and credits.

You can read about days one and two of my parents’ December trip to L.A. here.

What happened in Vegas

We didn’t end up with a tiger in our room or even a bad hangover, but we had a blast on our first trip to Las Vegas earlier this month anyway.

I’ll admit I didn’t expect to like the town. After all, nothing is authentic or real. It’s Disney World for adults.

But it turns out, this fantasy land is a great escape, even if you’re escaping from Tinseltown. And it seemed fitting that our first trip to Vegas was for the wedding of our friends Mike Schaming — who played in The Placemats cover band with Kenley – and Mike’s fiancée, Amy Reid.

We checked into our sleek and modern hotel room at Palms Place, took out cash from the ATM and headed to the hotel casino. Kenley won back the $12 our two beers cost by playing Blackjack on the video poker machine at the bar. Beginner’s luck.

But we both grew confident. Maybe the tips we learned at poker night with Denise, Eric, Kevin, Justin, Jorge and Shawn had helped. (Always assume the dealer has a face card.)

But by the time the weekend was over, we had lost the $12 several times over.

Kenny Rogers was right: Know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ’em, know when to walk away. And after my first trip to Vegas, I’ve decided I’d rather place my bets at the nearest shopping center. At least you walk away in a cute pair of shoes!

After dinner (at Yellowtail in the Bellagio casino), we headed to the New York-New York complex, where we met up with the bride and groom for Zumanity, the sensual side of Cirque du Soleil.

There was sexual innuendo, raunchy narration and lots of audience participation, but there was also amazing dancing and acrobatics (all done in partial nudity) — and all of it really beautiful and truly sexy. Definitely an only-in-Vegas experience.

We ended the evening with Marty and Valerie Fort in Bill’s Gamblin’ Hall and Saloon, where we played more Blackjack on video poker machines while drinking Miller Lite out of large plastic pitchers. I felt at home. So this is what South Carolina would be like if they ever make video poker legal again, huh?

The next day, Kenley and I relived the day we got engaged, with a romantic lunch at Mon Ami Gabi under the “Eiffel Tower” in the Paris casino. At roughly one-half the size of the genuine-article monument, and with a view of Caesars Palace instead of Napoleon’s tomb, the tower is what the French call “faux.” Kenley called it “fauxing awesome.”

Amy and Mike got married in the Glass Gardens at the Chapel of the Flowers. Elvis performed the ceremony, and the couple exchanged vows based on The King’s lyrics: “I promise to love you tender. I promise you’ll always be my teddy bear. I promise I won’t be cruel. I promise I won’t get all shook up. I promise I won’t have a suspicious mind.”

It was perfect for the Columbia guitar hero and his biggest fan.

(For those of you who are wondering — Mom — the bride and groom were officially married in a private service with two witnesses, before the Elvis ceremony.)

I had a chance to stop inside the chapel offices to get cash for our cab. Six women at six desks were answering phones that were ringing off the hook: “Congratulations. Your wedding date has been reserved.” They have four chapels on site, and I saw two other brides arrive while we were there: one in a formal wedding dress, the other in jeans and a T-shirt.

The chapel also performs renewal-of-vows ceremonies.

Plan Z: Kenley and I move back to Columbia and open up a wedding chapel next to Marty’s Rock Academy on Rosewood. Marty will handle the finances, and I’ll handle the ceremony. Kenley and Patrick Baxley (Mike’s bandmate in Hot Lava Monster) can take turns as Elvis. I know a good florist, caterer and a wedding photographer or two. Just need to find a preacher man or woman.

We had a little time before dinner, so to continue the Elvis theme, several of us went back to Bill’s Gamblin’ Hall for the free “Big Elvis” show. Big Elvis is far bigger than Elvis ever was, but his voice is deep and soulful, especially when he does Elvis’ gospel numbers. He was ranked No. 8 in TIME magazine’s list of top Elvis impersonators. Just found this article from the November 2010 issue of Details magazine, which tells his really interesting story and battle with his weight.

It was another only-in-Vegas experience. And yes, Kenley wants you to know that it made me cry.

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Amy and Mike treated their wedding guests to a dinner at Tom Colicchio’s CraftSteak in the MGM Grand Hotel and Casino. Colicchio is the head judge on the reality TV show “Top Chef.” And there’s a reason for that. I don’t claim to be a foodie, but it was definitely one of the best meals I’ve had.

(This statement prompted much discussion. What was your best meal ever? Mine includes my first lobster at the Home Port restaurant in Menemsha on Martha’s Vineyard and the $200 dinner the Wofford girls enjoyed in celebration of our 30th birthdays in New York. Anyone remember the name of that restaurant?)

The meal at CraftSteak was served family-style. Nothing was too dry, and there were no overly rich sauces. Everything — from the carrots with honey to the 24-hour braised short ribs — was prepared simply and seasoned perfectly. It tasted like food is supposed to taste: delicious.

I’m already saving up for a trip to Colicchio’s Craft in Los Angeles.

After dinner, we continued the wedding celebration at Studio 54, also in the MGM Grand. The DJ knew exactly how to get everyone on the dance floor: Even Marty.

On our way home the next day, we walked through the historic but aging Sahara casino, which reportedly is closing its doors May 16. Old dealers sat behind faded poker tables, and regulars with cigarettes dangling from their lips wasted their last chance to get lucky.

The Sahara is one of the last hotels standing from the Rat Pack days, but the kitschy décor — which might have looked exotic in 1952 when the casino opened — just looked seedy compared with the glamour of the strip’s newest hotel, the Cosmopolitan, which features a three-story chandelier strung with 2 million crystals.

When we returned from Sin City to the City of Angels, we were excited to pick up Malia, who enjoyed a luxurious vacation of her own. She stayed at The Kennel Club, where we were greeted by a pack of large dogs that made themselves comfortable behind the receptionist’s desk (which was advertised as the VIP luxury suite).

The Kennel Club also offers limousine service to pick up your pet; individual themed cottages; magnetic massage; a bedtime story; and a mint on your dog’s pillow.

We opted for the “standard accommodations.” But Malia welcomed us home anyway.

Then it was back to our apartment, where we had less than a week to recover before my brother, Patrick, and his girlfriend, Laura, arrived for a visit.

Details on those adventures are coming soon.